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i can't remember when was the last time i red-eyed cried like this. i can't even talk in my sobs clearly-- well maybe it's common but not for me, i don't usually cry as in sadness but more of in anger.

i need my Abang right now, i'm so misguided.

i'm convinced i have the coolest mom&dad in planet earth, and yet i still can't stop the tears falling down my face.

it is, i believe, the rawest lemon life ever thrown to me. i can't even turn on the blender to make lemonade. all i can do is to wait until the sorrow's gone and i can deal with this feeling.

this feeling that i feel isn't like i'm a Claire Bennet who could grow her broken bone over 10 seconds, it's like me-- a normal being, who could only whine over my kapalan wound after 10 miles running without shoes and patiently wait for it to be healed by itself because that's the best thing i could do besides keeping it away from germs&such.

there are so many things in my head and in my heart right now, like prejudice, hate, confuse, fear, the "you should've"s and the "i thought that"s and the "but i know you deserve it"s.

i never knew the feeling of what everyone called as galau up until now i kind of think i kind of feel it.

i think that if another things come up to me right now i'm gonna explode in dust that the cleaning lady cleans and throws to the garbage bin.

i feel vulnerable.

i don't find anyone as trustworthy as before except my families and my few closest friends.

there are so many things i'd wished i could write down but i seem to forget as i self-examine and MRI my true feelings, but i know as the last dot appears, i will probably get better than before.